Row Away From the Rocks.

I have seen a lot of hard-boiled eggs in my time, but you're twenty minutes.

~Oscar Wilde.

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I am staring out the window at an almost full moon. There are wispy clouds across its features, and if it were a man's face, I would say he was frowning. Looking a little forlorn. Maybe summer takes its toll on all of us.

A very quiet day today, with words coming slowly. Like shifting ore in a diamond mine. I need some sticks of gelignite, and I need a match. If I blow a few rocks loose, maybe it will all come tumbling down and I'll be able to get a few more words out, a lot more quickly. And wouldn't that be a turn-up for the books? All of a sudden I'd be wordy and wilful and not so weird. In a flash I would become some sort of assembly line of clever, well constructed sentences; pouring out more and more and more because we all know consumers need more and more and more. We're told by the television, and TV doesn't lie. We need MORE, and we need it NOW.

At least the publishers aren't using that sentence in regards to me just yet. Even if they were, I think I'd be justified in giving them the proverbial middle-finger. Yeah, that's right, you suit and tie wearing snobs, I'm none too pleased with how these negotiations have stalled, and I'm not afraid to say so. Dollar signs are not what this is about. Not for me. No, this is about writing something good. You know that's what you really need, you're just too afraid (and too fixated on money) to admit it. But you will. In time, you'll admit it willingly. Ho ho, it feels good to stand up to the suits. I'm only a rookie but I'm not going to be trampled over. There is a much larger scope for writers these days, and I won't be bullied into anything. There is plenty of time.

But enough about these corporate whores. Let's discuss tomorrow's itinerary. They include Fuhrer Mein Kampf. It will be interesting to see how he is. The lazy, cretinous bastard. And there are other things to do, but right now I have had enough. This is the end. I hope those of you who have been drinking aren't too hungover. Goodnight.

If you could break any Guinness World Record, which would it be?