I know why you never take your eyes off of me. I'll use my lungs for everything but breathing. I find myself dried up in this conversation, so pull me out, pull me aside...
Today I got to know my little sister for the first time, sort of. She added me on a social networking site, and we got chatting for a while. You know, it's a strange thing not to know your siblings. Even stranger, I think, is knowing them as little children and then realising that they are now growing up. My little sis is now the same age as I was when our father died. Goddamn, time is swift.
I'm proud of all my siblings. Each of them - of us - has had to deal with adversity. Each of us have led different and disparate lives from one another. Each of us is linked to one another. Big Bro and I need to get to know our little paternal brother and sister better. Soon they'll be grown and we'll be aged. They already have personalities we don't know; hopes and dreams and goals that we are oblivious to. Little bro on the maternal side we know much better. He has been a constant in our lives; a younger brother we've known and loved since his birth. Our relationship - mine and his - has at times been strained, but I love that little bugger something fierce.
We need to forge those bonds with our other blood.
Our little sister is, I discovered today, a smart and confident 14 year old girl. She is inventive and precocious; she is silly and carefree; she loves her big brothers and talks about them to her friends often. She is blonde and blue-eyed, thin and pretty. She looks like her mum and gets along with people like her (our) dad did. God knows her and our little bro are much more well-adjusted than Big Bro and I were at the same ages. It is remarkable, and I hope they can navigate their teenage years a lot less tumultuously than we did. I think they might just do that.
It was only brief conversation, but a very nice one. We love those kids - estranged as we've been.
Music has been received remarkably well. Myspace provides a nice forum to reach out to listeners, though we have been overwhelmed by how many times our songs have been listened to, and our site visited. Unless you are one of the chosen few who knows who I am, you won't know the name of my band, or anything about it. Perhaps one day, but my annonymity remains intact here for now.
Freckle returns in a week. I am excited to see her - however briefly. She is insurmountably busy. Her plans seem tough but rewarding and exciting as hell. She knows I'm rooting for her success, and I'll tell her in person too. To say that I will be happy to see her would be an understatement of John Candy-sized proportions. She has been a rock for me, in an other-side-of-the-world sense. Distance is bridged so easily these days that it seemed sometimes like she was just around the corner when I needed her. You are a sparkling diamond in a dark and musty mine, kid. You are a special part of me.
Poetry is stimulating my mind; keeping my brain ticking over. Music is filling my ears, my heart and to a lesser extent my self-esteem. My siblings are filling my familial nooks and crannies. Freckle is filling my chest and stomach with multi-coloured butterflies, and my facial-muscles with an urge to smile.
They told me it would get better. I didn't believe them, and I'm still wounded enough to be severely wary. For now, though, I will let it be. I am happy. It is a fucking miracle, I swear.
How many times have you marvelled at the messed-up ways of the world?
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